Ahh...yes..."Don't go outside or you will get browner."

I have always always been subjected to colorist thinking in my life due to comments like "Oh wow you are much lighter skinned than your parents." Or when we want to go to the beach, we would be slathered by sunscreen but not because they wanted to prevent my skin to be sunburned, but because they didn't want me to get tan XD. The classic speech of marrying not someone of my race but marrying someone with colored eyes because that's when you know you succeeded.

Also when I started to show my partner TV shows I grew up watching, I remember off offhandedly saying "Oh I didn't expect them to be white" and I awkwardly laughed as the realization began to hit me that yes, most artists and celebrities were. Not all, but a good majority.

Then I learned about Chile through the book 2666 and a podcast I was listening too about it. How nazi's fled to Chile and other parts of south America. It is a lot to take in and a lot to unpack and sometimes I don't like seeing how pale I am because it reminds me of those times. I also never dyed my hair not because i didn't want to be a blond. I just have seen my sister and mom do it and the hassle it was to straighten and die your hair that it tired me out of even having the idea in my head.

It is a lot to unpack and a lot to think about, very uncomfortable but I have accepted that yes is a lot of racism, classism , colorism all the isms that have just existed within my family because of how history has molded where they came from. Yaaaay lolol

Then I think of natlan and the protests that happened and while yes protesting was good and all, a Chinese company is not going to magically fix a real life problem that continues to be rampant XD.

Music of the Week

Most are in spanish this week

Imagine me cleaning the floors as I serenade this to my cat.

I cried not gonna lie.

love a good dance circle with friends

I am was born in the United States but my parents took us to central america a few times and I don't know why but this tugs at my heart strings Probably because a part of childhood lives in a place like this. I don't know honestly it feels like I don't have a right to feel this???? This week is heavy I am so sorry XD.

A SONG IN ENGLISH HAHAHA!

I never heard this song until I saw the following sk8 the infinity matchablossom video. 10/10 anime truly.

Christmas!

Christmas eve we watched the Polar Express and the Jim....I don't remember his last name anyways the Grinch with that guy.

1. Santa Claus, we never really knew about santa when we were growing up. Or at least he was not a huge figure in it. Like I remember writing letters and putting them up on the tree, but he never came Christmas morning, because we opened up our presents on midnight on the 24, so technically the 25th but whatever. No stockings, no Christmas cookies. We did take pictures but it I don't think I ever was like "wow its the real santa!!!" more like...this is a picture my parents want to get with this one guy. I never stayed up waiting for some guy to drop off presents XD. So when watching movies like the polar express I was always hit with a moment of "wtf is going on." Like i know he ate cookies...in movies. Like it was never real? Does that make sense?

Also i hate opening up presents on the 25th, for so long that was the day we DID NOTHING. Now we go and hang out with family sure, yeah I did that too, but theres so much more work. Opening up presents, cleaning up. I don't get home until like 2p.m. and we have to set everything up. Half the day is gone. I would rather do the work the day before so the following day I can actually relax.

Alright good things talk about good things hahaha.

Christmas was fun I got my partner a gift he seems to really like and I am happy about that. I got an easel which has been much more fun than I expected. I am in love with it honestly. I also got a Bluetooth speaker and OMG????? How did I just exist without one?? I also got some presents for some kids on my partner's side. Everyone is surprised and keeps asking me why I chose two random children XD. 1. I remember I received a blanket from the little girl, she did not talk and her parents technically got it for me, but my brain was like. "This blanket is so nice and useful, one day I will repay this kindness." I am currently using the blanket now. Then the second child apparently asked where I was at one of my partner's events. I don't have any family around where I live so something about being asked for by a random person really lodged itself in my heart and so again my brain said "You are the chosen child now."

Watching kid's open presents is so much fun, they get excited about everything and really care little about what the adults are doing because they have new toys to play with. Will I have children, no, will I do this again, probably, it was fun.

I also got gifts from my online friends and I sat down on the carpet and almost cried the gifts were so cute and I was really touched by the gesture. ;-;

Positive Musings

My job tests me, but I am happy to be working at a place where I am able to have 5 days off straight, no PTO required. I can listen to music or books and there is no strict uniform requirement. Since no one really comes into the lab I can say whatever it is I want to say. I don't have to talk a certain way all the time. That I get paid enough to do my little hobbies as well as give me spending income to spread around.

I am very happy to have my interests encouraged. They were always to some degree but to gifted art supplies is very kind.

I have updates on two commissions I have asked for and am grateful to have the opportunity to have asked them to make me something.

I got to see a bunch of cows simply existing in a field. They are very cute. One escaped, the little rascal.

It rained a few days ago and the dark atmosphere along with the cold winds made for a pleasant night in.

When I went to tamales the store owner came out and greeted me, it was nice to feel a part of something briefly.

I CLEANED MY HOUSE OMG I finally had enough time to go HARD and still have time to do other things later in the week. It was so nice to finally tackle these tasks like cleaning the spare bedroom that had become our storage place, as well as cleaning the carpet in our bedroom the blanket and the one downstairs. I also organized my art space which needed it BADLY.

Misc Musings

Sethoscara week and Flins week are fast approaching. It is so funny start on the same day XD. I am glad to have something for each day of sethoscara week, I love them dearly. I have one thing for flins week which I am happy I was able to finish in time.

I am also working on my phaidei piece, it has changed slightly since this last screenshot, but the general idea is the same. I am very excited to try and attempt a different painting approach on this. We will see if it works out. No way to know than to try right??

I want to make a mood board for 2026 but I will be honest I am not sure what goal I wish to set out, it feels ...I don't know. Like I am on new ground attempting to discover something. I will attempt again and see if I can pin point a direction I want to walk towards.